My Second Mother's Day

As I think about my first year and a half as a mother, I think about how my life has changed in those ways that I couldn't imagine before I had a baby.  You know how people always say, "You just can't know until you've been there."?  Well, I think that's because it's different for everyone.  So here are some of the way my life has changed in ways I just never could've imagined.  Some of them might sound silly, but I thought it would be fun to record them.

• Discipline.  Not that I wasn't necessarily disciplined before (alright...who am I kidding? I still struggle with this), but it's the little things.  Like washing his high-chair tray right after he's done eating instead of leaving it for later.  Like giving him a bath no matter how tired I am.  Like anticipating what he'll need and doing whatever needs to be done...before it needs to be done.
• Strength.  The strength to tell him no.  The strength to let him cry.  The strength to put him back in his crib at night because a good night's sleep is what is best for both of us, no matter how much I want to snuggle. The strength to let him get up on his own when he falls.  
• Understanding.  My perspective on the whole world has changed.  It's not so much about my own identity, although I did change a lot about my life once I had a baby.  It's more about understanding what other people might be going through.  How you never know what could happen tomorrow and learning to be comfortable with that.  How important it is to appreciate each day and the people in your life that are there helping you along the way.
• Gratitude.  I feel like I've always tried to have an attitude of gratitude, but it's magnified by 1000 times. Gratitude for grandparents, babysitters, mom blogs, understanding people, friends who had a baby before me that I couldn't support in the way they've now supported me.  And waves, hugs, kisses, smiles, new words, growth, and his emerging independence. 
• Patience.  Walking slowly along side him because he's learning.  Waiting for him to say "momma" six months after he learned how to say "daddy."  Being okay with him not wanting to finish a book and instead deciding to play peek-a-boo.  Telling him not to hit again...and again...and again...  Finally figuring out that "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is so popular because it actually has magical powers!
• And most of all, Love like I never knew before.  For my husband.  For our parents.  For our siblings.  For my friends.  And for this tiny little boy for whom I am responsible.

Being someone's mom is an incredible experience, one that I am grateful to have each and every day...even when I'm exhausted, annoyed, impatient, weak, selfish and crabby.  Because then he smiles and all of those other emotions come flooding over me like a tidal wave.  And I'm reminded that I'm a mom now.  The hardest, most terrifying, rewarding, and wonderful job in the whole world.

Mother's Day 2011